That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
