I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
