Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Vodka?
Forever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
