Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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