the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
