i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
