don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
