I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
