I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
