It's just like the Real World with babies
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
