I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
