Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
