She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
