Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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