I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
