We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
