I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
