I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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