I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
