I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
