I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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