Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
