I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
