I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
