A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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