I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
