i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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