I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
