final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
