Sponge bath it is.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
