I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
