I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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