Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
