Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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