Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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