Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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