I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
