The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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