Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
