it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
