YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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