i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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