Duck Duck Cougar?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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