my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
