I just cut my nipple shaving
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
