I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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