piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
