my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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