im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
