Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
