I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
