I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
